RwR 22/10 to 28/10

A thoughtful week.

SoTW: Time To Go – Lucas King / Blessings – Laura Story

Pretty late…

How I’ve been…

  1. Physically:
    1. Sleep’s been insufficient. Bleh.
    2. Restarted exercise a bit, but wasn’t sustained.
  2. Mentally:
    1. Improved compared to last week, but still yo-yoing.
  3. Emotionally:
    1. Muted highs, muted lows. Ups and downs the whole way.
  4. Socially:
    1. Had a good short catchup with Pajamas on Monday and lunch with Charm on Tuesday.
    2. It’s nice to see old friends one hasn’t seen for a while – it does encourage one so.
    3. Had an interesting and encouraging meetup with Bubbles on Wed. One is filled with forlorn happiness at seeing the spring of others.
  5. Spiritually:
    1. A better week than last. It’s nice to hear from God, even if one wishes they spent more time (and thoughts) with Him.
    2. [What God’s taught me this week]: Brother Lawrence wrote that ‘God has many ways of drawing us to Himself.’ What if loneliness was one way which showed us how much we needed Him? And so, it is like a quote from Toaru: “Your value shows itself once you accept what you lack and think about what to do without that strength.” That helped immensely – somehow – in the way I perceived loneliness: not as a problem to necessarily be remedied, but a subtle way which one might realize their need for God and gently draw their minds back to Him.
      1.  They used to tell of a certain old man who had passed fifty years [of his life[ without eating bread or drinking water; and he used to say, “I have slain fornication, and the love of gold, and the love of glory.” Now Abba Abraham heard [of him], and came to him, and said, “Didst thou say these things?” and he said “Yea.”Abba Abraham said unto him, “If thou wert to go into thy cell, and find a woman on thy mat, wouldst thou be able to keep from thinking that she was a woman?” And the old man said unto him, “No, but I should struggle against my thoughts so as not to touch her.” Abba Abraham said unto him, “Behold, then, thou hast not slain it (i.e., the lust for fornication), but the passion is still alive, though fettered. Behold, also, if thou wert travelling along a road and thou didst see lying thereon some potsherds and among them a talent of gold, would thy mind be able to look upon the money in the same way as the potsherds?” The old man said unto him, “Nay, but I should contend against my thoughts in such wise as to not take it.” Then Abba Abraham said unto him, “Behold, the passion [of the love of money] is still alive, though fettered. Behold now, if thou didst hear of two brethren, one of whom was esteeming thee highly and praising thee, and the other was hating thee and reviling thee, if these men came to thee wouldst thou be able to regard each of them with equal friendliness?” And the old man said unto him, “No, but I would strive against my thoughts in such a way that I would treat him that cursed me as well as I did him that loved me.”

        Then Abba Abraham said unto him, “Behold, then, the passions are still alive, but they are fettered in the saints.”

        1. This story is strangely encouraging. Some might say that ‘oh, it is sad that one still has to struggle with these passions instead of seeing them being quenched.’ But even if they aren’t immediately quenched, they can be well restrained as one seeks to be holy for the sake of God. In a sense, it is not that the cross one bears is removed from them, but that they continue to bear the cross with great fortitude as others before them did until they reach Heaven.
      2. [On Humility]
        “If a man doth not put himself in the attitude of a sinner, his prayer will not be heard before God.” A brother said unto him, “What is a sinful soul?” And the old man said, “Every one who beareth his own sins, and considereth not [those] of his companions.”

        1. I really like this. Although it seems presumptions for one to say which prayers aren’t and are heard by God, the principle of humbling oneself in prayer is admirable.
  6. Character improvements:
    1. Small steps at a time.
  7. Hobbies:
    1. Little time spent gaming.
  8. Random thoughts:
    1. “Hm…”
    2. “Bleh…”
    3. “Hm…”
    4. “….”
    5. “Bleh..”
    6. “Tired..”
    7. “A new way forward…”
  9. Week ahead:
    1. One essay down, three to go. Will have to get 2 done by this week.
  10. Prayer for upcoming week:
    1. Diligence in work.
    2. Peace in trusting God.
    3. Focus, for drawing one’s mind to God.

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