RwR 6/11 to 12/11

A thoughtful week and a third miracle.

SoTW: Peace – Lucas King & Vexento / Thank You, Lord – Don Moen

A couple of days late 😡

How I’ve been…

  1. Physically:
    1. Exercise has been continuing fairly steadily, sleep cycles are the same as well.
    2. Got a bit more rest after the last paper was submitted.
  2. Mentally:
    1. Aside from dealing with regular readings, I wasn’t as productive as I could’ve been.
    2. More work remains to be done as the semester hits the final stretch.
  3. Emotionally:
    1. Started off the way the week ended – pretty flat. But the week was really surprising.
    2. Things were pretty meh on Tuesday through Thursday for one reason (elaborated in the section below), but saw improvements on other aspects from Wednesday. A good meetup with Priestess helped a lot.
    3. Thursday was okay for the most part, it was fun to teach about something (loneliness) I had great experience in. Also had a long convo about some stuff after it ended between my co-leaders.
    4. Then boom, a drop on Friday. Followed by an amazing miracle on Saturday and much rejoicing.
    5. Sunday saw a continuation, for the most part of the day, of Saturday’s joy and praise before ending somewhat flatly.
  4. Socially:
    1. As mentioned above, a meetup with Priestess helped significantly. Got to share how things had been since we last caught up and somehow through the discussion of ministry struggles she was helped too.
    2. The slight to moderate downer were occasional sightings of Clarissa more frequently than I’d have liked. Interest to get to know her better is more than adequately countered by a good many reasons to just, well, let things be. Ultimately it’s a tough process but I think the outcome is not in any doubt, sadly.
  5. Spiritually:
    1. Started out okay and drew closer to God the more one aspect of the week went down. It helped as repeated instances left less of a mark, plus the serendipitous help which Priestess got from my conversation with her was quite amazing.
    2. Then Friday came and I was left reeling, then dressing, my wounds from the whole week as I took stock. The chance, and all-too-frequent, encounters with Clarissa combined with uncertainty when I got no blueticks from a sent congratulatory message to Guinevere left me in deep prayer. Emotionally low, perhaps, but spiritually close through said misery.
    3. And then, the night ended, and dawn came. And what dawn it was – I got an unexpected reply from Guinevere and she seemed most friendly. Continuing the conversation, I learnt that she had came to the faith (i.e. became a Christian) sometime back. I was flabbergasted, dumbfounded, etc etc etc.
    4. Never in a million years did I even dream she’d somehow come to the faith, and news of that came right after a pretty difficult night. As we caught up and I learned a bit more, it seemed nothing short of a(nother) miracle: For a good many nights after I had forgiven her, I had prayed that God would somehow take care of her (since we were no longer communicating then, and this was before miracle #1 of our reconciliation).
    5. And to receive an amazing answer – that, well, God had led to Him and that God had also used our past experiences for His glory was…pretty much astounding. It is not for any fault of Guinevere that I thought it unlikely she would become a Christian – simply because I feared that the mistakes I had made would have given Christians a bad name and also that I considered it immensely difficult for someone to choose to become a Christian. But there it was – God showing me, in response to the prayers of I (and likely many others) and occasional musings about whether God did work behind the scenes or was it simply inaction – that God did indeed work behind the scenes, and He also did have a sense of humor.
    6. And so for that reason I was overjoyed to relate what had happened to Kas and Rein, remarking that if it didn’t seem like a miracle, I must be pretty fortunate, then, to have witnessed firsthand in my friendships/relationships three strangely coincidental and yet hugely joyous incidents. But rather than adopting such a cynical perspective, I see God’s hand working in all of this – the suffering of the past, perhaps even the suffering of the present. And I conclude that though one may not know why they suffered, like Job, it is enough to see God (through one’s circumstances).
    7. Going forth, things are normalized between me and Guinevere. And so it has come full circle – that which God used to develop and grow me through an extremely challenging and traumatic experience has most definitely came to an end, and for the glory of God, too. Wow.
  6. Character Improvements:
    1. There was some substantial progress, and I think I might be able to keep it up.
  7. Hobbies:
    1. I made the purchase for said electric guitar, but missed the 11/11 sale by one day too early x.x. Also played a bit of guitar sometime during the week but that was in preparation for worship leading this Thursday, so that’s about it.
  8. Random thoughts:
    1. “Saint Augustine’s life, or at least what little I’ve read about it, really speaks to me…I feel he’ll be a good model.”
    2. “Why do I keep seeing her…even though I don’t plan to. And it sucks, it does…”
    3. “Killing off one’s interest to know someone better with fatalism, cynicism and a good dose of realism/pessimism (along with a sprinkling of theology) is an extremely painful thing to do. It is. But maybe that’s the boundary.”
    4. “Finally, a topic I’m super excited to present about: Loneliness. I don’t think anyone wants to be specialized or an expert on this, but…maybe that’s also how I can reach out to others with this disposition…”
    5. “This is such a hard night, Lord. Take it.”
    6. “Oh cool, a reply….wait….what? You’re a Christian?! WHAT THE- PRAISE THE LORD!!!”
    7. “Wow. I consider myself blessed (and unworthy), in spite of all that’s happened thus far, to have witnessed three miracles. Truly the Lord never ceases to amaze – and if the Lord is faithful in these things, why then shall I not continue to trust Him in these other things…?”
    8. “This testimony makes utterly no sense without God, and indeed it only points towards God’s hand. What can one say but simply express their pure joy in prayer and praise?”
    9. “Perhaps this is it?”
  9. Week ahead:
    1. Gotta get started on my MUN position paper and clear two modules worth of revision before reading week starts. Also need to prepare for an upcoming interview next week for a ministry internship next summer…sounds like it’s going to be stressful.
    2. And church drums this week to boot…gotta spend my time wisely. It will be sad to say goodbye to the Man of God as well…
  10. Prayer for upcoming week:
    1. Continued focus on the Lord despite occasional disruptive/intrusive thoughts.
    2. Diligence to clear the huge amount of work before me.
    3. Strength to continue hoping and trusting in the Lord for many, many things.

 

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