RwR 29/5 to 4/6

An eye-opening week, then some flatness.

SoTW: Believe – Lucas King / With All I Am – Hillsongs

Timecheck: 1:51am.

 

Pretty late. Pretty tired, having cleared three reviews today but it still not being enough. But I’ve procrastinated for long enough…

How I’ve been…

  1. Physically:
    1. Going for camp was a good system shock and I think it’s possible to get back to a regular (read: non-2am) sleep cycle, even if it’s a bit difficult to maintain after the camp has ended.
    2. Didn’t really exercise much while I was at the camp or when I came back – more time was spent catching up on my sleep debt.
  2. Mentally:
    1. Exhausting but fulfilling to be at the camp. And to think about VCF from a bigger picture – not just as a place where people go to receive, but where they are inspired to give back and engage within the world – is difficult, but not impossible when one’s surrounded by giants who have seen further.
    2. Productivity was not as high as I hoped it would be upon return, regrettably.
  3. Emotionally:
    1. Things steadily increased all the way from Monday to Friday – ending the camp on a spiritual high (which always happens – when one feels so close to God even though they’re by themselves) was really nice. Then reality came back on Saturday and Sunday and it took a pretty serious hit, only to dip even further on Sunday night after a slight boost throughout the morning and afternoon of Sunday.
    2. To some extent, I received emotional comfort, yes, but also emotional challenges, during the camp. One does feel they grew, if only slightly, as a result of it – because they haven’t yet answered other questions that could result in one growing more.
  4. Socially:
    1. Being surrounded by Christians for four days at a camp before being sent back to engage with the world feels…really different. But then again, that’s to be expected – one can’t always be in a holy huddle.
    2. With regards to Amino and Guinevere, it’s interesting to note that there appear to be quite a few individuals of similar nature to her within there. Where this goes is questionable, but one wonders whether precautions are necessary, sufficient or recommended. Then again, things that don’t go anywhere often will be discarded, so that’s perhaps how it’ll go as well.
    3. [BGR]: Barely on my mind when I was at the camp as it was occupied with more pressing and weighty questions. I did have a short chat (about 2 hours?) with Stelzy though, lamenting the usual situation I perceive myself to be in and bemoaning my self-pity. She did mention some things of interest, yet this topic specifically failed to materialize even after the camp was over. Life goes on, it seems~
  5. Spiritually:
    1. Learned a lot at the camp – the challenge then is to implement it properly in my life so that being at the camp was hardly a waste.
    2. At the end of the camp when we were told to write our fears, hopes and dreams (both personal and for our ministries), I wrote the following:
      1. Personal fear: #foreveralone (not precisely this but of similar sentiment)
      2. Ministry fear: That those I lead would end up like me at my worst without God – dejected, disillusioned, unquestioning and apathetic.
      3. Personal hope: That I’d find out and be who God called me to be – cliched, but perhaps as brave as a lion, yet as sacrificial as a lamb.
      4. Ministry hope: That I will be able to help at least one person throughout my ministry next year in their darkest hour, and bring others to understand the comfort, peace and love which Jesus offers.
    3. On the back of the ‘fear’ post it, I wrote a question I had been struggling with for some time – “What am I fighting for?”
    4. And yet, at the back of the ‘hope’ post it, I wrote a shortened version of a poem I came up at that instant (this is the full version):
      1. “The road is long, the burdens heavy;
      2. the workers few, the troubles many.
      3. Yet through the storm, we hold steady;
      4. Through the Lord, we find mercy.”
    5. It was written with the ‘mom’s spaghetti’ meme in mind for the first part, and ‘The Lord’s mercies are new every morning’ for the second part. Quite happy at how it turned out even though mercy doesn’t automatically link to ‘holding steady.’
    6. And that was my encouragement which I keep with me even as I work amidst both fears.
  6. Character improvements:
    1. Not much improvement in nailbiting, minor improvements in other aspects suffered a setback after the camp was over.
  7. Hobbies:
    1. A bit of Overwatch and CS:GO after the camp was over, but not much.
    2. Hoping that a collab might take off, will see how it goes.
  8. Random thoughts:
    1. “I really like how small churches ingeniously use the little space they have. It’s one of life’s small pleasures – like seeing how inventive the Japanese are/can be in utilizing small spaces.”
    2. “A good many *cough* GCGs (good Christian girls) but…haha most are taken. Okay next.”
    3. “This seems like an echo of the past, but it can’t be….could it?”
    4. “I don’t want this spiritual high to end……dang it ended. Well, back to reality, but with a twist/an improvement(s).”
    5. “I really need to buckle down and get back to reflecting/contemplating on what I’ve learnt from the camp – especially from Eli and Dab. Those two gurus – wise people who have taught me much – I need to get their wisdom down so I can work on my answers from where they’ve brought me.”
    6. “One can’t teach what one doesn’t know – how then can I bring others to places I’ve never been myself before? Perhaps the best I can do is to guide them and water a few seeds in hopes that the Lord gives a few lasting fruits instead of many that burn out after a short while.”
  9. Week ahead:
    1. Last week in SG before flying. Module reviews all done, gotta get other stuff done as well. Lots of thinking and work needed.
    2. “Nothing will work unless you do.” Aye, I feel that.
  10. Prayer for upcoming week:
    1. For permanent changes to materialize in my life post-camp.
    2. Making good use of my time given to me.
    3. Being generous with the time I have, not hoarding it like others hoard riches or wealth.
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