RwR 8/5 to 14/5 & church lives

Firstly, a bunch of lives from yesterday’s service have been uploaded:

  1. Church Service 140517 – Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
  2. Church Service 140517 – You Are God Alone
  3. Church Service 140517 – God and King
  4. Church Service 140517 – Hosanna (Be Lifted Higher)
  5. Church Service 140517 – Crown Him
  6. Church Service 140517 – You, You Are God

Looks about right! I”ll get to Part Two of covers next week or so.

Secondly, the second week of freedom.

SoTW: The Last Harpy – Lucas King / As The Deer – Robin Mark

Timecheck: 12:53am.

A day or two late…in my mind’s it’s still Monday night though it’s past twelve so it’s still a day late, right?

Anyway, how I’ve been…

  1. Physically:
    1. Have been trying to get my sleep cycles into something more regular and…having some limited success. Latest I’ve slept was at 4:10am, but earliest has been 12:28am. Between these two extremes has been a few 2 and 3am’s so more work could be done getting the same amount of sleep but at an earlier timing.
    2. Haven’t ran for a bit – was quite busy this week so yep. Will get to it next week.
  2. Mentally:
    1. It’s been challenging maintaining my productivity even after finals have ended. Mainly because there’s so many things I want to do, but lacking clear direction or prioritization (some are time-sensitive, others are resource-dependent, and categorizing them’s a task in itself), time just flies away.
    2. Progress in clearing things one small step at a time has been fitful. Yet it’s the only way out of this quagmire so onward I shall go.
  3. Emotionally:
    1. It’s been…well, Monday saw a jump, but this wasn’t a super high jump. It was somewhat high, then it steadily but slowly increased on Tuesday, followed by a sharp drop on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.
    2. Wednesday was…difficult. Thursday was better, then Friday saw rapid fluctuations – highs in the day, lows in the night.
    3. The weekend wasn’t much better – consistent lows despite some attempts to remedy the situation.
    4. Of course it’s related to social aspects, but there were some spiritual aspects as well.
  4. Socially:
    1. Right off the bat, I had four meet ups planned this week with Pajamas, Amthrax, Priestess and The Bearded One (in that order). My meet up with Pajamas on Monday deviated slightly from my expectations, but overall the meeting was quite successful in generating discussion regarding Guinevere and Priestess.
    2. This thread of ‘what should I do’ regarding Priestess continued in consultations with Amthrax on Tuesday, and it was great to see her even if it was just for a short while during her lunch break. Amthrax gave much food for thought, such as differentiating between ‘best candidate…?’ and ‘genuine interest’ in a person.
    3. Most unfortunately, the meeting with Priestess had to be cancelled due to an unforeseen circumstance repeating itself unexpectedly. At this point (two coincidences in a row), it feels like someone up there’s trying to tell me something. Or to keep me from meeting Priestess (haha…h).
    4. It was a real bummer since this was something that I had been looking forward to since finals even began, but….on the account of something happening to her sister’s condition and other factors, I decided it was better not to meet up because that would benefit Priestess more than the alternative. There’s not really been any other date set because Priestess is currently on a taxing internship and I didn’t get the sole internship I applied for (this is my bad ><), so…I guess I’ll probably not see her for the next three months or something.
      1. Barring a miracle or divine intervention from above, it seems.
    5. Somewhat disheartened, I met up with The Bearded One on Thursday evening for a good chat. It was great to see him again after so long, and talk ranged from the issue of Priestess to Guinevere to some more abstract stuff regarding agency and choice.
    6. Most regrettably, I checked in with Guinevere on a Friday afternoon idly and got a brief reply, but when I tried to pursue the conversation more on Friday night/Saturday evening, she was pretty cold. Ah well; such is life.
    7. Also, attending church CG for the first time in a long while felt not too bad. At least, some things crept back to mind, and it felt a bit better than staying at home isolated from a community.
    8. A Saturday meet up also went better than expected, though expectations were almost non-existent to begin with. Yet one doesn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and so that’s the case.
    9. [BGR]: This came to mind several times throughout this week – most specifically with the issue of Priestess that was first raised by Pajamas and continued on in conversations with Amthrax and The Bearded One. Come to think of it, there were also a good many couples at places like Star Vista and Bugis – certainly one felt lonely at times seeing an idealized version being played out in reality.
      1. Of course one sees only the good/fluffy parts and not the flaws, quarrels and cold wars which sometimes surface in a relationship. Yet to someone that’s in a desert, even muddy water seems appealing relative to dehydration.
      2. That analogy above would be flawed (“You don’t need a r/s to survive like you do for water!!”), admittedly. But this isn’t making a positive claim, it’s just saying sometimes one can feel that way even though it may not be actually true. Perceptions can affect one’s choices more than reality might, because sometimes perceptions form one’s imagined reality that unfortunately diverges from actual reality.
      3. In any case, more thought will be needed for several issues discussed within the week.
  5. Spiritually:
    1. Things were….kinda slow, for the first half of the week, despite meeting up with a few good people. One’s spiritual growth isn’t directly correlated with who one meets, of course.
    2. At the same time, after some thinking and reflection over what was discussed with brighter (and dare I say wiser) minds, one felt a slight change. Positive, one hastens to add.
    3. Then the grey and blueticking of Guinevere came, and one became even closer, because one realized certain emotions existed that were…most unexpected. And possibly unwelcome – so one turned towards God seeking something – perhaps an answer, perhaps resolution, perhaps simply comfort and peace.
    4. Things slowly improved on Friday and Saturday, but after spending more time than usual contemplating and reflecting (plus sitting through two sermons and synthesizing both messages for something relevant to my situation based on how I felt God lead), Sunday saw a fairly large jump in my spiritual health. Or as a Christian would call it, my WwG (Walk with God).
  6. Character improvements:
    1. I’m slowly making progress in some areas such as nailbiting, but sometimes progress in one area comes at the cost of progress in other areas.
    2. On a deeper level, one only realizes the difficulty of developing virtues when they run up against the very trials one goes through in order to test whether one has said virtues, and develop them if one doesn’t.
    3. Yet as a certain quote goes, God doesn’t demand perfection of Christians, simply constant progression. Even the will to continue improving is better than having given up, for the former one can at least go the ‘spirit willing; flesh weak’ path and pray for strength; the latter is more closely associated with abject depression – a hole which only gets deeper the more one tries to climb out.
    4. So it’s in this sense that I see flaws in myself requiring remedy, yet one learns slowly some things are more appropriate to seek in some situations than others. Not necessarily more correct, but better suited for a particular purpose.
  7. Hobbies:
    1. Played some CS:GO, was not too bad. Got my solo Q account to GN3 from GN2 and met some nice players, playing with friends was fun as well.
    2. Guitar seemed a bit less interesting this week, perhaps because the early gains of learning an instrument have been, well, gained.
    3. Drums was fun when recording the past covers and playing for service, unfortunately I need to practice more to break out of my plateau.
  8. Random thoughts:
    1. “These girls are way, way, way….too young to be looking at coupley stuff with such intent. Then again….young kids in relationships often seem too much like they’re playing House. Like ‘I’ll be the Mommy, you be the Daddy’ kind of relationships….well, one learns from their successes and failures I suppose.”
    2. “Furballs are really cute accessories to put on a guitar bag. I wish they sold hamster-looking stuff toys to hang. Hey wait, aren’t there choom chooms or something? Like mini-plushies…but I can’t seem to find any cute ones here so I’ll just get this furball I guess…”
    3. “Carrying a guitar case is bulky but pretty cool. If only carrying a drumstick bag had that same effect of advertising “I’m a musician” – a stick bag is a lot lighter and less bulky than a guitar bag…”
    4. “That was pretty cold. Why the blueticks, Guinevere…?”
    5. “I guess that’s how some things are. All one can do is to pray – having satisfied one’s internal assessment of intentions, one can go to God without feeling guilty or trying to hide an ulterior motive. I can’t force the actions of someone to change, but I do believe God can if it’s His will. Even if it isn’t, having some help changing one’s acceptance of an outcome would be pretty amazing and welcome in itself.”
  9. Week ahead:
    1. Some meetings for responsibilities I’m taking up next year and a few free days to pack my room and clear stuff.
    2. Really gotta sleep more to make up for my sleep debts during finals.
  10. Prayer for upcoming week:
    1. Patience, to wait on God. Especially regarding Guinevere – I feel as though I’ve done all I could, and so having God remind me His plans are higher than my dreams would help immensely.
    2. Wisdom, to know what to do regarding Priestess. Of course some things need to be asked, but the manner, appropriateness and occasion all have to be considered with care before execution.
    3. Humility. I’ve recently mused about the differences between faith and miracles as a dichotomy – something I’ll probably write more about in the future, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I could do with more of both. More faith, and more humility regarding that faith.

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