RwR 1/5 to 7/5

The first week of freedom.

SoTW: Believe – Lucas King / Refiner’s Fire – Brian Doerksen

Timecheck: 12:30am.

Couple of days late – it’s been a busy post-finals.

How I’ve been…

  1. Physically:
    1. Sleep cycles are fluctuating – some days I’m able to sleep and wake at a reasonable time, other days I have trouble sleeping even at 4am.
    2. Wrangling this into shape would be a good first start.
    3. Also need to run more with IPPT window opening again soon.
  2. Mentally:
    1. Had a big relief on Wednesday afternoon when my last finals was over. It was a bit more difficult than expected, but what’s over is over.
    2. Spent a bit of time contemplating stuff and planning my to-do list for this summer, so not too bad.
  3. Emotionally:
    1. Things slowly inched up from Monday to Wednesday, then stayed stagnantย on Thursday evening before dropping on Friday.
    2. A short respite on Saturday was followed by another emotional drop of crippling depression and feelings of misery on Sunday afternoon – things thankfully improved in the evening and night.
  4. Socially:
    1. It was great to meet some CF juniors for dinner after their Wednesday evening paper – that was really nice.
    2. Sadly my meetup with Priestess got postponed due to unforeseen (but understandable) circumstances, and Thursday night was…okay.
    3. A short Comm meetup on Friday evening was okay as well. Nothing fantastic, but I suppose that’s how corp meetings are.
    4. Things on Sat and Sun were caused in some part due to interaction and/or lack thereof with others. Sometimes that’s just how the cookie crumbles…and sometimes, that’s how one is encouraged.
    5. [BGR]: Hearing the plans of others that have a shared future does make one more cognizant of an absence in their own lives. It’s possible to be happy for others without feeling envious (particularly if one sees little value in their happiness), but I think it’s pretty hard. One tends to come away with mixed feelings at best. And maybe that’s fine as long as how one feels doesn’t affect the joy and hopes of others.
  5. Spiritually:
    1. Things took…well, they slowly went up. There was an encouragement when I was procrastinating on Youtube the night before one of my final papers – watching the Bishop scene of Les Miserablesย was particularly heartwarming.
    2. I really liked one of the other comments that someone else wrote, when questioning the practicality of what the Bishop did. For someone that tends towards cost-benefit analyses, reading the bolded comment was eye-opening:
      1. This is an amazing example of grace and mercy. Could you imagine taking someone in, having them steal from you, them getting caught, them saying that you gave them your possessions, THEN saying that you have given them those things and giving them even more stuff afterwards. All while hoping that MAYBE just MAYBE they’ll become a better person and be able to turn their life around.
        Hide replies
        dreamy is my name

        but no one does that
        Jeffery Kiley

        +dreamy is my name they used to, but the world sucks nowdays
        Lorgar Aurelian

        +Jeffery Kiley The world is the same as it has ever been. Redemption is a rare and special thing, and always has been. This is why this type of grace and mercy is truly righteous: you risk having it blow up in your face a hundred times just so that you can save the one person it does affect. It is not a cost / benefit analysis, it is true compassion and self-sacrifice.
      2. If one was guaranteed that their actions would always succeed, a case could perhaps be made that it is morally good but not as risky as someone choosing to be merciful without any control over the outcome of their actions. As the top comment mentioned, it takes no small measure of faith for such a step to be taken, yet doing so would open the possibility that another soul may be saved.
      3. Although others may decry this favourable characterization of a clergyman as being idealistic, I think it’s a good reminder of what Christians should aspire to. It’s hard to aim for something if one has nothing to aim for – without any semblance of progressing towards an ideal, progress itself would lose meaning.
    3. Fanboying aside, things were okay for Wednesday and Thursday before diving on Friday morning and Sunday morning. As usual, things improved on Friday and Sunday evenings – mostly neutral on Saturday.
  6. Character improvements:
    1. Sometimes it feels like it’s two steps forward, one step back.
    2. Yet I’ll still continue working on this.
  7. Hobbies:
    1. Played a bit of CS:GO, has its ups and downs.
    2. Guitar seemed more fun in comparison…
    3. Nothing on drums – had a few busy post-finals days so haven’t recorded anything yet.
  8. Random thoughts:
    1. “I can understand the feeling of ‘life having no meaning’ after finals are over. When one works towards a goal for two plus months to see it end in a few hours, it is a little disorienting.”
    2. “Yet I can also make my own goals and progress from there. That’s not too bad.”
    3. ” ‘Being single is hard. Being in a relationship is hard. Pick your hard.’ (Adapted from this amusing quote here.)ย I know both are hard, but sometimes I think “it must be nice to have a shared future together with someone else and being able to plan for something like that…”. Maybe it’s a greener grass syndrome.”
    4. “HTHTing with one’s Dad is pretty nice. One can get really good advice.”
    5. “Sometimes one needs to suffer a setback to be reminded of humility.”
  9. Week ahead:
    1. Conducting meetups with a few people…Pajamas already done today and Priestess coming up.
    2. Hoping to kick-start my summer plans, so yea.
  10. Prayer for upcoming week:
    1. Productivity and knowing what to ask in my meetups with TBO.
    2. Comfort, too, would be nice.
    3. Thanksgiving for last week’s prayer re: Priestess’s sis.

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